Ramblings

The last two blogs are typical daily entries into my journal. I write and write and write and rarely does anything funny emerge. I've had to make peace with the idea that most of what I write will not be funny. If everything I wrote had to be funny, I'd have killed myself long ago -- another fact that I've made peace with. The key is recognizing when something I write has relevance beyond my own neurosis and is worthy of the stage.

02.08.2011

Lucas Molandes

Life didn't really exist for me before comedy. Now, it doesn't exist because of comedy. Comedy did open my eyes to a life that exists beyond going through the motions. I could have graduated from college with a degree and had a well-paying job, but I only think about that when I want to make myself feel bad for where I am financially these days. I've met a lot of wonderful people on the path I have taken, and though we cross over to the next one on our own, I don't take them for granted.

The failure in life isn't that one has a shitty job, the failure in life is using that shitty job as an excuse as to why one doesn't exploit the freedoms they do have. The failure is submitting rather than fighting. But who are you fighting? Yourself? The failure is being unable to recognize your true calling in life. Recognizing is a luxury we all have if we are honest with ourselves. I've seen porn stars take massive loads to the face and that is still less degrading than the time my 6th grade geography teacher delivered a pizza to my house. I answered the door and he tried to tell me that delivering pizzas was a way to make extra cash while he saved up enough money for something that was probably never going to happen. I just wanted to tip him and send him on his way before he asked if he could use my shower.

Driving down the road, I've seen those little crosses that signify where someone lost their life. When I worked at Macy's, I often thought about bringing one to my work space, cause I'd been dead on the inside for a long time. All the dust I was breathing in at that warehouse was necessary to fill in the shallow grave where my soul had given up. And maybe I'm going for an easy joke here, but how is taking a warm, life-giving load to the face anymore degrading than having to wear a confetti-colored polo as part of the required uniform at Red Lobster? At least porn stars know when to pull out.

Well, maybe you need the money to pay for an apartment? I can understand that. You know what they should do? You know all those white collar criminals, the ones who get 10-years for tax evasion or insider-trading, they should make those convicts work our shitty jobs.

For the sake of brevity, I shall be racist: Javier unloads trucks all day. Javier spends his days dreaming of going to community college. But no, there's never enough time. Oh, but wait, the state has made Bernie Madoff (the 72-year old Ponzi schemer) take Javiers job. All the money that Bernie Madoff would make from the job goes to fill Javier's empty pockets. Now Javier has time to take a few classes. Why does being born into lower class have to be a social prison sentence?

That might sound cruel, making a 72-year old man do back-breaking work all day. But how is that any more cruel and unusual than working a 9-7 job where you barely make rent every month, and then when you turn on the news you see rich fucks tossing millions of dollars around like a Three Stooges food fight in Ethiopia. Madoff doesn't have to worry about where he'll sleep every night.

At the end of this scenario, there's a white man who has taken the work out of the hands of a Mexican. So it's a win/win. I think my math is good on this one. Javier gets and education, and a rich old fuck gets an honest job. It sounds easy, enough, but some people need their misery. It defines them. I need my misery to be worse than yours because I can at least find peace in the fact that I suffer more than everyone else. Don't take that away from me.

I should touch on this too, before I go: I don't think that porn empowers women. I think it empowers those who enjoy it for honest reasons, and it does the opposite to those who use it as a scapegoat. But that is true of anything. Porn, at the end of the day, is just a job. And who hasn't been fucked worse by their job at least once? One thing that being in a long term relationship taught me was that people don't mind getting fucked as long as they know how they're going to get it. Why else would eating shit be so freely accepted as tradition?